Tykkään järjestellä juhlia ja vielä enemmän tykkään, jos voin ilahduttaa muita. Tästä yhtälöstä voi päätellä, että yllätyssynttärit ovat kivointa, mitä tiedän, ja järjestelen niitä aina välillä kaikille kivoille tyypeille. Tämän vuoden saldo taitaa nyt olla viidet! Siksi on parasta, että synttärini ovat joulukuun lopulla, koska kaikki ovat silloin minulle kiitollisuudenvelassa ja saan hienot synttärit itsekin. Oma napa siis lähinnä tässäkin touhussa.
Mieheni He-Man täytti vuosia, ja on jo aikamoinen perinne, että järjestän hänelle yllätyssynttärit. Koska hän kuitenkin osasi odottaa juhlia, minun piti keksiä jotain erityisen yllätyksellistä. Niinpä päätin pitää oikeat glamour-pirskeet. Tänä Johanna Tukiaisen aikakautena varmaankin kaikki tietävät, mitä glamour on, mutta tiedättekö, miten järjestää kunnon glamöörit pippalot? Niinpä, ettepä niin. Ei se mitään, nyt kerron teillekin, mistä parhaat luksusjuhlat koostuvat. Näillä ohjeilla tekin voitte viettää juhlapäivää jälleen huomenna! Huomatkaa, että juhlan suunnittelussa tein yhteistyötä muutaman tahon kanssa. Palkkaa en ole saanut, mutta erinäisiä hyödykkeitä kyllä. Mikään pakko minun ei ole ketään kehua tai mainostaa, valitsen ihan itse, kenet mainitsen blogissa ja ketä en.
Myös HM:n ja minun ystävä Valkoinen Barbaari täytti vuosia samoihin aikoihin. Niinpä ovelana tyttönä päätin yllättää myös hänet: näin sain aikaiseksi isommat pirskeet, enemmän yllätysmomenttia, parempaa mieltä useammalle eikä HM joutunut yksin olemaan huomion keskipisteenä. Plus maksa säästyi: yhdet isot juhlat on paremmat kuin kahdet lähekkäin! Vai onko laskutoimitukseni nyt ihan oikein? No, kuitenkin.
1. Kaikki lähtee vaatteista! Juhlasankarin pitää tuntea itsensä juhlien kuninkaaksi! Joten tottakai lähdin vuokraamaan sankareille smokit. Eihän se ole juhla eikä mikään, missä miehet eivät ole smokeissa! Lähdin siis pukuvuokraamo Sanelmaan.
Avukseni saapui teille jo tuttu Sovinisti. Palvelu Sanelmassa oli aivan mielettömän kärsivällistä ja ihanaa! Kuvitelkaapa tilanne: pukuvuokraamoon saapuu puvuista mitään tietämätön MRV. Hänellä on mukanaan sovitusnukke (Sovinisti), joka on toisen päivänsankarin kanssa samanpituinen, mutta eri levyinen, toisen kanssa melko samankokoinen, mutta lyhyempi. MRV on ovelasti hankkinut tietoonsa päivänsankareiden rinnan- ja hartianympäryksen (älkää kysykö, miten!).
Sain tietää Sanelmassa, että minun olisikin pitänyt mitata kaulanympärys! Olin aivan ihmeissäni, en ollut edes ajatellut sellaista. Mutta nytpähän tiedän, ja tekin tiedätte. Smokkia vuokratessa siis kaulanympärys on tärkeä tietää. Lopulta saimme kuin saimmekin koottua luultavasti sopivankokoiset smokit. Voitteko uskoa, että Sanelman omistaja sanoi minulle, että jos smokit eivät sovikaan, voin soittaa hänelle itsenäisyyspäivänä, niin hän tulee tuomaan vaihdokit! Ihan oikeasti. Onneksi smokit sopivat kuitenkin täydellisesti. Niistä kuva tuonnempana.
Tottakai myös minun oli näytettävä hyvältä, enhän kehtaisi missään ryysyissä kulkea smokkimiesten rinnalla! Ompelin ihanaan samettimekkooni halkion, ja olo oli kuin Bond-tytöllä konsanaan!
2.Yllätä päivänsankari! Minun tapauksessani päivänsankarit oikeastaan osasivat jo aavistaa jotakin, mutta eivät todellakaan sitä, mitä olin heidän varalleen suunnitellut. Toisaalta päivänsankarit olivat insinöörejä, joten heidän ilmeensäkään ei värähtänyt, kun käskin heitä riisumaan vaatteensa. Toinen paistoi hirvenlihaa ja jatkoi ilmoitukseni jälkeen tyynesti sen paistamista! Olin kuvitellut, että he järkyttyvät ja rupeavat kenties haukkomaan henkeään. Kirkumista sentään en odottanut, koska kyseessä oli sentään kaksi miehekästä miestä. No, tahdon uskoa, että miehet olivat sisimmissään yllättyneitä.
Kun miehet olivat vaihtaneet vaatteet, lähdimme meille. Siellä odottivatkin vieraat. Koska kyseessä oli kuitenkin glamöörit juhlat, olin ostanut kuohuviiniä ja foliopalloja. Kaikissa luksusjuhlissa pitää olla sellaisia! Lisäksi olin tehnyt molemmille omat kakut. HM haluaa aina synttäreilleen mustikkapiirakan, joten tein sellaisen. Ongin ovelasti selville VB:n lempikarkin ja tein siitä kakun - tarjolla oli siis Jellybean-kakkua :D
3. Hienoissa juhlissa pitää syödä kunnolla! Nyt MRV oli kuulkaas ryhtynyt niin hienoksi, että teki oikein elämänsä ensimmäisen pöytävarauksen. Kyllä oli aatelinen olo. Emme kuitenkaan halunneet mitään liian pröystäilevää, joten valitsimme rentoa mutta hyvää ruokaa tarjoavan Morrison'sin Turun keskustasta. Siinä edessä meillä olikin sitten aikaa ikuistaa melkein koko porukka. Etkoilta kotoamme oli lähtenyt pois jo kaksi henkilöä. Rauha heidän sieluilleen.
Ruoka oli aivan törkeän hyvää ja sitä oli paljon. Eli eipä ollut kauaa hienostunut leidi -fiilis. Huomatkaa, että minä en saanut ilmaista ruokaa, joten suositteluni ovat validit ;) Otin vuohenjuustohampparin, joka oli aivan törkeän hyvä. Samoin nuo lohkoperunat! Vaikka annos oli suuri, sain kaiken syötyä miesjoukkion uljaalla avustuksella. Hyvä, sillä inhoan heittää ruokaa roskiin. Katsokaahan hienoa ruokailuetikettiäni:
Kaikissa kunnon luksusjuhlissa pitää syödä, sillä kuka juntti nyt haluaisi juoda sampanjaa tyhjään mahaan ja sitten örveltää nelinkontin kuin jokin eläimellinen barbaari! Kun oli syöty kunnolla, matkaa on taas kivampi jatkaa.
4. Järjestä jotakin ohjelmaa! Juhlissa pitää aina olla jotakin ohjelmaa. Hienostuneissa Juhlissa™ pitää olla hienostunutta ohjelmaa. Mikäs sen parempaa kuin stand up -show! Mahtaviin ruokatapoihini sopii hyvin räkä poskella nauraminen. Sillee hienostuneesti siis. Lähdimme siis Apolloon:
No nyt on puitteet kohdillaan! Kultainen tapetti, painavat samettiverhot ja kattokruunut suorastaan huusivat puoleensa meidän glamööria seuruetta.
5. Valitse jokin hieno jatkopaikka! Ilta oli stand upin päättyessä vielä nuori, joten lähdimme tietysti jatkoille. Ja mikäs sen bondimpaa kuin kasino! Jatkoimme juhlimista siis Börsissä. Itse en ole vielä ollut kertaakaan Börsissä, vaikka Turussa olenkin asunut jo yli neljä vuotta. Luulin sitä teinipaikaksi, mutta siellä olikin ihan aikuista porukkaa. Musiikkikin oli hyvää, joten vietimme aikaa tanssilattialla. Nautin tanssimisesta, ja etenkin nolosti tanssimisesta. Täällä on hyviä vinkkejä siihen. Pääsin myös lempiharrastukseni pariin, eli pätemiseen ja toisten pilkkaamiseen, kun selvisi, että VB ei osannut tanssia YMCA:ta! Siis what??
Lopulta päädyimme kasinolle uhkapelaamaan, ja olihan minun pakko saada sieltä pari yhteiskuvaa päivänsankareiden kanssa. Minua oikein harmittaa, että jouduin peittämään HM:n naaman! Hän oli niin komea. Miesten pitäisi aina käyttää smokkia.
Mutta kuten kaikki ihanat glamöörit asiat, nämäkin juhlat päättyivät. Olisipa katu-uskottavaa sanoa, että ne päättyivät räkäisesti ja oksennukset rinnalla, mutta ei, me menimme kotiin ihan hyvässä kunnossa. Hienostuneesti. Seuraavana päivänä jouduimme palauttamaan vuokratut smokit! Siitä olin hiukan katkera. Kuten sanoin, mielestäni HM voisi pukeutua arkenakin noin.
Minäkin voisin pukeutua arkena näin.
Ensi vuonna sitten uudestaan! Oli hienoa leikkiä hiukan parempaa väkeä, kun on itse tällainen juntti ;) Tähän voisi tottuakin.
ps. Olenko sanonut tarpeeksi monta kertaa glamour? Tässä vielä pari varmistukseksi: glamourglamourglamour, luksusluksusluksus, eliittieliittieliitti!
Kirjoitettaessa soi Glamourpuss - James Reyne
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