I had my first Russian lesson today and I had to sing….how embarrassing was that???Well, I guess she realized quite soon that it was not my peace of hay so I dont think I don´t have to do it again. I can still see Sauerkraut´s face in my mind when he heard me singing first time years ago, after a while he asked me really to SING…later on he said that my voice could easily kill a cat. And who in earth can sing those seven different s,sh,ts,tst….anyway? It is hard enough to pronounce them without spitting everywhere in a slow motion and singing is another thing. Besides singing ( which was really traumatic, I have to admit ) it went quite well, she was really nice Russian lady and I will meet her four times a week so I gues I will have some kind of rhythm in my life after this.
Sauerkraut has been out of town but I haven´t been on my own yet…not that I did not want to. I had this killer migraine during my lessons and it kept getting worse but I had some company. This lad came this morning to fix our fish tank ( those fish still keep on dying…) and said it would take two hours or something to fix it and I was suffering in bed, in pain, in agony waiting him to leave and trying not to attack him when he was making all kind of noises that sounded like wold war three in my head and it lasted SIX HOURS….and what did he do?Well, there is no fish in our fish tank what so ever and there is two new twigs that I could have easily get from our back yard and one new stone in middle of the tank…six hours. I could have drown that guy into that tank when he left after three migraine pills and six desperate long hours.
I had to get out and just walk, not further but to the near by store and get some water. While walking I was almost walked over many,many times unless I had given the way and that´s the way it is here….you are just a door mat if you dont hold out all the time. People, they just don´t care, don´t look ahead or anywhere. I don´t know if it´s unkindness or what but it sure feels like it´s really personal. That is what we talked with this Finnish girl I met, that if you dont take the space belongs to you at once you leave your apartment, somebody else will take it. They will walk all over you, even without blue suede shoes…In order to not feel bashed you should be alike, walk like you are going to walk trough a brick wall and glancing around like people around you are all comtaminated. But then again, do I want be like that. No, I dont want be one of these harsh behaving walking fur coats just to fit in. I think I keep on taking pushes everywhere I go until I´m strong enough to push back:) But I´m really interested to know where does it come from, this attitude. What makes you walk like there is nothing nice in this world, not a one reason to smile for or think the person next to you…
(to find out how I ended up to Moscow,http://edith75.livejournal.com)