Life after (burnout) life

Hi

I have been resting with friends last few days.
We have been talking about my sense of reality & imagination.
One problem what I've stumbled across is that where does my imagination start and reality end?

By this I refer to possible help what I got from people who I don't know directly or have not contacted directly.

Some time ago I got lot's of attention from every direction, and I got really confused about this.
First time in my life, it could go easier than "normally" - this is situation what I have not come used to.
Usually I have been fighting for my survival and have got used to idea of everything needs to be done by yourself, or otherwise it will not get done.
This changed really fast and it was weird.

If I understood correctly many companies & people tried to give helping hand to me many different ways.
How sweet of them, thank you.

I think many people thinks atm that I'm hard to help / hard in mind / difficult to approach, this is partially true but not all.

I'm quite easy going outside directed guy from the deep inside of me. Some situations I wanted to keep things to myself and I "act" crazy because I did not want people to follow me or look me as an idol of some sort.

I did this because I know from experience and fact that leadership is not easy task. I was not ready to take those big shoes what people tried to offer me.

I would like to start from small and succeed with time to grow to bigger things.
I have lot's of things in my own life what I should take care of but I don't have resources to solve my own problems. They are quite small in reality, but big in my mind, they have grown in time and got little bit more complicated as I grew up.
Quite normal thing I guess.

Something what bothers me a bit, is the general thought that "we figured you out - we know what & who are you" - at least if I'm not imagining anything this time.

That is also partial truth. You may know the parts of me what I had courage to show you, and I think I did not show my best. The reason is my own wellbeing, I had burnout (actually 4 in last 4 months to be honest).

I wish i can have another chance in future to show real me, the part's what you were hoping to see more of me.

Not the mysterious lunatic what I did show to you.
I was preparing my self to leave Finland, go to visit Austria & see one band & couple of my friends who are waiting (maybe not anymore) me there.

I did not have money to travel, that is why I'm still in Finland.
I think this is small problem what could be easily take care of, but my constance does not let me leave before I have solved my bills in my personal life and also business.

They are not much but in this mental situation what I'm atm they are hard to take care of. Especially because I work alone, I have people who are interested to work for me but I do not have any money to pay salary to them or me. (Or the bills what I have.)

I don't know if it would be a good idea or not, but just in case there is somebody really reading my writings and would be still interested to help me out somehow I could write some numbers to here so maybe we could solve them together. The problem is that you need to contact me directly if you want to help.

That is only way how we can guide right things to right place.

Bills:

Company website (1800e including tax + Google Ads)
Business cards & procures 180e
Taxes (20 000 in this year, 544,XX month)

Personal:

Phone bill 450e (2 months, includes personal & business contacting)
Network bill 100e (2 months, static & mobile internet)
Doctor bill 400e (2 visits)

And maybe some other bills but even surviving from those would help a lot.

Somebody who I saw few weeks - 6 weeks ago in Metro station said "those who really needs those are not the ones who are making the calculations" - he was trying to help me by hiring me (he asked about the prices)
Still, long time after I do not have prices visible in internet and right now it is not even wise to announce them because I cant deliver.

What I would need for my life, so I could upkeep it better?

House from country side (not even need to be big, just need some room)
Car what does not consume much (my own car is crashed 25.12.2012 and last time I checked it is still un repaired in Mäntyharju, Finland)

Wife / girlfriend (I have somebody / few people who I'm interested of but limitation in money & mental health keeps that all the time "in the future")

Somebody to take care of my dogs while I travel (I have friends who could do this for me if they had more time off / resources of them self)

I have been playing with a thought:

What I would do, if I had 5 million euros?

I would by myself a house, car, etc. Take care of firewoods for my own house & couple friends who have helped me.
I would make my own social network stronger and make arrangements what would benefit us all as in a "community" - even they are "widely spread". The goal would be to make their life easier to support my life and my needs.

Not big arrangements even would need to take place, just small honing here and there.

I would buy one house in Finland, one Austria and possible one in USA.
The time I'm not one of those in year I would have some local company renting & taking care of the houses for me.

And I would try to invest some of the money so that it would upkeep it self with small risk.

Also I would donate 100 000 euros to my neese's & nephew via "Family Tree Foundation" - not registered / founded yet.

This foundation purpose to exist is to support my family's family tree and give a nest eat to my (future) children and brothers children. Assist them to have driving licenses & study to survive in this world better than their uncle has so far succeeded.

Also other people outside of this family could have support of experts helping people via applications. If somebody would have problem what they can't solve their selves they could try to contact this foundation and the people would evaluate the need of help according to situation & try to guide people to places where they could get help / they should be obligated to get help from.

In Finland we have really good social security system, but sometimes these facilities still fail for one reason or another.

The meaning is not replace these structures but help those who are close to this family and who could be helped.

For fact this kind of operation would need to have large networks of associates and businesses, it is not task of one organization to accomplish.

I would also invest about 500 000 euros to my own company to have enough funds to recruit professional people & invest tools & other things what my company would need to have to start working in the way real companies should operate.

My own wellbeing is not the best so I would "retire" from this mostly, but I would still be around as much I can, supervising & planning the road to future.

But in the nutshell that is what I try to accomplish in my life.

Thanks for reading.

Ville Ruokolainen
Ville.ruokolainen@gmail.com
www.smoothproductions.fi

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