baariohjeita vol 2

38: You may observe that I occasionally make drinks for some people more quickly than I do for you - this may be because they are friends, family, friends or family of my co-workers or the owner, fantastic tippers, or that they have followed the rules more accurately than you have. It is also possible that I am feeling salty, or that their bottle of Bud Light is quicker to grab than your Bloody Mary (with a twist). Don't take this personal . . . actually, go ahead and take it personally, I don't mind.

39: I am allowed to drink at my job (in fact, it is almost expected), but I must keep my inebriation to a tolerable and professional level - enough booze to have fun, but not enough to impair my abilities to walk, talk, count, work or make simple judgments. I have trained myself well at this, through years of trail and error. As such, I have literally NO respect for someone who CANNOT do this, someone who plays the 'oh, shit, I'm drunk' victim-card. Learn your own limits, asshole, because if you are fucked up enough to be even the slightest bit annoying to me, then I will hate you forever and I will treat you like the dog-scum you are. You ordered the drinks, you drank the drinks, you knew their was booze in there, and your low-ass tolerance is shameful to both of us.

Drinking is fun, and bars are fun, but getting shitty and being shitty are unbecoming of an adult.

40. When ordering a large amount of shots for you and your friends, ordering the same shot - for example 7 SoCo limes - is a helluva lot faster than ordering 1 SoCo lime, 1 Jaeger bomb, 1 red-headed slut, 1 kamikaze... etc. You'll get your drinks a LOT faster and your bartender will be a LOT LESS annoyed and might even cut you a deal. Happy bartenders = happy bars!

41. If you order the rail/well special and don't say what you want, i will give you Tequila and Coke and you will like it! Cause you don't know what is going on! Learn how to order a drink dumbass

42. If you are being an ass at last call, and you accidentally give me an extra twenty when closing your tab, you better believe that I am going to keep it!

43. When ordering a drink, please talk to me, and not my boobs. Yes, girls wear shirts to show them off and get better tips, but they can't hear you when you order a drink, and I sure as hell am gonna think you're kind of a creepo for not looking me in the eye.

44. We don't care if you know the owner. You're still not getting a free drink unless he personally orders it for you. and dont try and get special treatment by saying your good friends with the owner. EVERYONE is good friends with the owner. if hes such a good friend of yours, call his cell and get him down here... oh you dont know his cell phone number? course not...

45. When you're having fun with many friends and that you ask for the drinks bill please be ready to pay quickly and never ever tell me : I'll pay my 2 beers, my friend there pay 2 sex on the beach, he's paying one round of shot's and a vodka cranberry, he's...and so on...

We don't have time to waste for shits like that (especially when we're busy), so please do it like that : someone pay the whole bill and you'll arrange yourself for who have to pay for what outside of the bar!!

46. Don't try to impress girls by ordering a "single malt on the rock's" when after that you ask me why there are ice cubes in your glass!!

You're not in a movie, if you don't know what something like "on the rock's" means you'd better to order something like a beer, the perfect drink for the perfect farmer you are..

47. If you order a rum and coke while your friend orders an Alabama Slammer or a long island ice tea, please do not freak out at the fact that his/her glass is larger than yours because it will just make you look foolish (to put it nicely)...as someone said before, if you ever have a doubt, please just order a beer.

48. We don't care who you are, what you do, or who you know, hollar, whistle, wave your hands, or snap your fingers at us to get our attention while we're taking an order or making a drink puts you at the ass end of the line...for the rest of the night. We have eyes, we can see your drink is empty and we'll get you one when we get you one...shut the hell up and be patient.

49. If I tell you that you don't have a tab open it means: a) you opened it with a server, b) you opened it at a different bar in the building or c) you closed it 10 minutes ago and are too hammered to remember. Don't go to every bartender asking for your card...I'm sober or more sober than you, and got it right the first time.

50. And don't waste my time telling me how hot you think the female bartenders are. I work with them, so I already know this. And the answer is always "yes, she has a boyfriend" because it saves you the embarrassment of being rejected and her the time listening to you. Chances are she's going to see you get shit faced and make out with a lagoon creature anyway, so just save your breath for the troll you're taking home tonight.

51. Do not be shocked or surprised at all if I make you a big round of drinks, especially when I am busy, and you tip like shit, that I am not shy in telling you in front of everyone, to fuck off and never come to me again. That stupid deer in the headlights look like you have no idea what I am talking about makes you look like a cheap moron. You want to avoid this, tip well.

52. And for the love of God, do not waste my time by simply coming up and ordering a glass of water. Unless I have been giving you drinks all night, you tipped well, and you need the water, I will skip over you again and again until all the paying customers get what they want. It's tedious and annoying and chances are your cheap ass isn't going to tip for it. You want faster service, drop a tip in my jar when you ask for the glass of water or go to the water fountain that we have. That's what it is there for.

53. For the sake of the bartender's sanity, please DO NOT bang or pound on our bar. We are not your personal assistants, and do not answer to the snap of your finger, or to a bell. Doing so will result in the bartender telling you off, and not serving you, or possibly if you have pissed us off enough, we'll get you kicked out, or sent to another bar. This REALLY fucking pisses off bartenders.

54. Do not touch things on MY bar that is not yours. Keep your dirty hands out of my fruit, off of my straws, and away from my napkins. Chances are you're covered in some else's vomit or spit... please keep those germs to yourself.

55. DO NOT THROW THINGS. If your buddy is on the other side of the bar don't throw your ice at him to get his attention. Walk your stupid ass over there and talk to him. And if you hit me with something in your drunken attempts to get their attention you will leave the bar soaking wet, I don't care if you're dressed nice or if its 10 degrees outside. You shouldn't act like such a jack ass!

56. if you rented out the bar and the beer and drinks have been prepaid for, don't just order your drinks and NOT tip. Its not like i wanted to come in 2 hours before my shift would normally start so i can poor drinks for nothing, bc i will get on the loud speaker and call every single one of your cheap ass's out!!

57. Don't order shots for you and your friends then add in there to make one for myself, then when the total comes you pissed because its so expensive. Just because you think your being "smooth" by telling me to take one also, doesn't mean you aren't going to be paying for that one also.

58:.Don't think that because you are of the opposite sex that you can sweet-talk, intimidate, or seduce an extra drink out of me. If I were that easy to persuade, I sure as hell wouldn't be working here. The only things that will get you preferential treatment are politeness (again, tastelessly hitting on a bartender is not polite) and generous tipping - I don't care how hot you think you are.

59. When ordering a round of shots, don't be a douche bag and have me make 6 and then decide you need three more after I'm done making them. Also when ordering shots: layered shots are cool looking yes. However, don't be a dick and order 15 of them when the bar is packed.

60. the bar is not SELF-SERVICE, hence, the reason for tipping. That means, DO NOT help yourself to anything across the bar including the garnish tray, the straws and napkins, or glasses under the bar!