vol3

61. Do not PRETEND or FAKE tipping us! We WILL know if you tip whether we're looking at you or turned away! Doing the motions of the tip and then walking away just makes you look remedial, and you will suffer for it if you dare come back to our station again!

62. Yes, the club is loud on the dance floor, I think its time to adjust your hearing buddy because I've lost the ability to now hear what you want me to get you. DON'T grab me by the neck pull me towards you and scream into my ear. I'm not your mate. Oh and it's called enunciation, if you're drunk enough to ask for a drink, at least make an effort!

63. If I've cut you off, it's cause either you're drunk staggering and about to make a real ass out of yourself..you've tripped over nothing and spilled your drink on someone...or maybe...it's just time for you to leave cause everyone (including me) wants you to go!
Take it personal, if you want...but, it IS my call!

64.When i say its time to leave... its time to leave! I stopped getting paid 10 minutes ago and believe it or not I'm not drunk, I'm not having "the best night ever dude!" and i want to go home and wash that bar smell off my body! Put down the drink, it's obvious you're not going to finish it, and stumble your way out the door to the nearest cab... I just want you the hell out!

65. If you think you have been short changed it could be for one of the following reasons: 1) your too drunk to count 2) when the bartender told you how much the round cost you decided it was a better idea to turn around to your mate and finish your conversation 3) you've been a complete arsehole, and the bartender has decided that it's his/her right to take knobhead tax!
(Knobhead tax is quite frequent in bars that attract arseholes, which in your case is what you are, so if you want to pay the proper price for your selected beverages follow the rules, we'll be good on your pocket. A smile never hurts either, we are only doing our job.)

66. "leaning across the bar to flick off draft beer taps. We're on our way already and haven't forgotten about it! Its our beer I'm pouring until you've handed over that sweaty note you've been waving around for the last 5 minutes..."

67. If I've cut you off, it's cause either you're drunk staggering and about to make a real ass out of yourself..you've tripped over nothing and spilled your drink on someone...or maybe...it's just time for you to leave cause everyone (including me) wants you to go!
Take it personal, if you want...but, it IS my call!

68. If I make your drinks and then you decide you want a pint of Guinness, you are simply a DUMB ASS!!

69. This is my job, I know what I'm doing. If I'm putting ice into a wine glass or a martini glass it's to chill it for you, I am not a moron and 'totally misunderstood' what you mean by a large glass of Chardonnay, thinking you wanted a soda water instead. Questioning me like this is just going to get you to the end of the line!

70. It´s not cool to order a 100$-bottle of wine, chuck down half of it and then complain that "the wine is off", send it back and act like an insulted ass and stalk off when five employees come to the verdict that it´s JUST FINE- we´re all pros, we drink A LOT and KNOW our alcohol. Besides, wine is fermented grape juice- technically, it IS off...

71. Contrary to how loud you think the music is, bartenders can hear almost anything and everything inappropriate you say...keep talking and you're bound to be ignored!

72. If i hear you tell some one that you are a good tipper or that you always take care of the bar staff, don't be surprised if I laugh. I know who are a good tippers and they never bring it up.

73. It is not because I am a barmaid and that I work in a place where people are there to meet people that I want to meet you! So don't think we go to every date customers invited us on, and don't feel like you re the only one to do it!

74. I am working mate, even if it is behind a bar. So don't tell me i am not fun just because i didn't drink the 5th shot of tequila you bought me!

75. (this one's from London) Don't ask me me to top up your pint. Especially don't say "Top up my pint mate!"
We know it is the law in UK and if you ask we have to. and all the customers are right...
But it is not with that half centimeter more of lager in your glass that you're going to be more drunk. Most of the time you are already.

76. Don't ask for champagne when you just want sparkling wine. We hate it when we've corrected you and you still insist on calling it champagne. If you were cultured enough to know what real fucking champagne is, then you would never have given the honor of calling that cheap shit champagne in the first place.

77. When the line is 8 deep, don't order a green apple martini, or a pink lady or something stupid like that...repeat after me: rum-coke, pils-ner, vodka-diet...and if your bartender is kind enough to make your green apple martini when they're slammed busy, don't take a sip, and say, no you don't make it right...you're NOT getting your money back, I'm NOT making you another one, and you're a douche for ordering it in the first place.

78. Leave your nickels and dimes in your piggy bank.

79. Who orders 1 shot? Get a friend.

80. (This apparently is an issue in Fiji): DO NOT try to hold the bar up trying to look sexy, trying to pick me up, or make eyes at me then proceed to spit on the floor over and over again. This is a respectable bar NOT a urinal. We DO NOT come to your home and spit on your floor so DO NOT spit on ours.Take note, I am not interested in you & you will NOT be served again. Also keep in mind you will be escorted out the door by the burly bouncers twice your scrawny ass spitting size...and we don't care if you are of royal status or not you will be taken out.

81. When the line is 8 deep and you’ve been waiting 5 minutes to be served. When we ask you what you want don’t say…”ahhhh I’m not sure”. You are now NOT going to be served for another five minutes!

82. So you think you gave me a twenty and I gave you a change for a ten? I'm pretty sure you're the drunk one and I'm the sober one so we're going to go with the rule "The Bartender is Always Right".

83. If you r ordering a product which can be served in more than one way, for example a beer which we stock in bottles as well as on the tap, please specify which you would like when u place your order. DO NOT watch us pour 3 Heineken's from the tap then tell us you wanted bottles. If you wanted bottles you should have asked, or @ least stopped us @ the 1st one! Now drink up and tell us your correct order next time.

84. If your friend orders you the wrong drink, that is your problem with your friend. Please DO NOT involve us with something like "My friend ordered me a bourbon & coke but I wanted a scotch & coke." ...then expect a free drink. Just order yourself another drink.

85. If you are ever caught stealing or trying to steal our tips, YOU WILL BE GONE, and not necessarily in a nice way.

86. (I thought this was kind of funny): If you lean over the bar waving $ to get served before it's your turn (and despite how chaotic it looks in that bar, we know. It's our job.), it's ours. I dont care how big or small that $ is, I'm grabbing it. Your side of the bar = your money, our side = it's a tip.

87. I don't care how long you've been at sea for or how well you tip, if you make obscene gestures at the servers or bartenders (i.e. sticking your tongue between your fingers), you had better be very apologetic when you are being escorted out by security or a nap is in your near future

88. If you leave the bar for an hour and come back...don't be pissed off because we ask you for your ID again. We check hundreds of id's every single night and we are NOT going to remember you, we look at your id for 2 seconds. So yes we need to see it again. don't be mad at me, plus it's the law! And we don't want to jeopardize our jobs or our bar.

89. Do not, upon receiving your beer, hand your pint back to me and ask me to top it up. That little line that says 'pint' about an inch below the rim of the glass (or about 3 inches on the Stella glasses) is how much you paid for, and freaking out over an ounce of beer is probably going to get you cut off.

90. Never, ever, at an Irish pub, ask the bartender to spoon the head off your Guinness. I'll just ask for your ID because anyone who's ever been in a bar before knows what a Guinness is supposed to look like.