perkele vol 4

91. When you order a Stella from the bartender, and he puts a Kilkenny on the bar with a little piece of paper that says 'Kilkenny' on it, don't pick it up and drink it. Stella and Kilenny don't look anything alike, and you just paid for two beers, you drunk dumbass.

92. If a customer comes to the bar with 2 bottles of beer and the identifying labels are removed, when you ask for 2 more and I give you two brown bottles, do not be pissed that you got bud light instead of miller lite, you got exactly what you asked for, 2 brown bottles.

93. Just because you know the bartenders name doesn't mean they know you. If you are going to try to yell at a bartender across the bar, make sure they know your name!

94. If you order a drink that needs to be shaken in order to taste good, do not complain that I "took soooo much longer than that guy bartender" getting your beers. Please refer to the rules that clearly state "bottled beer comes faster than ANYTHING else. If I decide to serve you again, I will not shake it in order to serve you faster, you'll taste the difference.

95. Weekends are busy, me working hard sometimes might mean I'm not grinning ear-to-ear. You want to put me in a 'smiley' mood? Please don't say "Smile!" a hundred times. PLEASE because you will get just the opposite effect.

96. (Not sure if I added this one) I wouldn't tell you how to do your job, so don't tell me how to do mine.

97. When you refuse service to an idiot who tells you that his money pays my salary. Your money also pays the salary of the secuurity guard kicking you out!!

98. (This is from Australia) NO MAKING OUT AT THE BAR!!!! We don't want to see it and neither does anyone else. You're also taking up valuable bar space that someone buying drinks could be using. One warning and then you feel the wrath of the post-mix gun!!!! (This is a message he added after: I dunno if you call it post-mix in the US? If you don't, it's the high-pressure soda gun that mixes in your syrups)

99. (from UK) If I id (card) you, it is because I genuinely think you are under age. If you respond nicely without ID I may turn a blind eye. If you moan, complain or give me "I was drinking before you were born" or "Do I look underage?" Then I will become total bitch and call my mate "Big Dan" who will escort you out in the most embarrasing way I can think of!

100. (I think something personal went on with the person who sent me this, but it's funny) just because you're a cop you don't get to drink for free. yes, your entire crew did run up that $90 tab, and yes we do expect you to pay for it, especially since you're all rude, your cow of a girlfriend being the biggest offender, you don't tip worth shit, and you leave the place a mess. fuck me? what kind of car do i drive? a blue and white crown vic, asshat

101. I may have gone to your school, you never talked to me--and neither did your friends. You never said hi when I did--and neither did your friends. Now you come up to me and say "Heyyyy" and you THINK I'm going to treat you like a special person and give you good drinks because "Oh my gosh you think I'm hot" now. Think again buddy.

102. Please ladies, we aren't trying to fuck your men..so don't come up to the bar with him just to give me evil looks. you are lame. please stop. I don't want your boyfriend...if I did, he would be mine.

103. Don't come up to the bar, take forever figuring out which 3 drinks you want to order, then ask how much it is if ur holding a bill such as a fifty. Obviously it's less than $50, so pay take ur drinks and go away!

104. Don't order a martini at a cocktail bar and then send it back saying 'this tastes like pure alcohol'

105. If your being an asshole, don't ever ever threatened me with 'oh yeah what you going to do?' cos no mater what you've done i will kick u out!

106. When you come in to a bar,check that you have money to pay your drinks.We won't leave you a tab open for next weekend or we will not wait for you to go borrow money from your friends.If you don't have money,stay at home!

107. Just because I've served you before deoesn't mean I will remember what you drank. Do you know how many people I'm waiting on? That goes for remembering your name too.

108. If the sign says "No service in this area" don't stand there on a Friday night shouting orders at me, I'm not going to serve you, go to the back of the line and wait like everyone else .

109. If you were the arsehole who took the piss out of me and bullied me at school, don't come into the bar, recognize me and say "ayup mate, you going to sort me out with a drink?" and act as if we are best friends. You are not my friend and doing that proves how much of a dick you were and still are. (I think this was more of a personal issue)

110. Just because we might have kissed like 10 years ago, doesn't mean you get served faster, or that you don't have to tip.

111. Don't expect faster service because you're a "regular", unless you actually tip. By being a regular you should know how the system works.

112. We are not your personal assistant or caretaker. No I will not watch/hold your purse, cellphone, hats, coats, or whatever you shouldn't have brought with you. BEHING THE BAR IS NOT A COAT CLOSET. Leave it in your car or leave it home. The only thing you need is cash/credit card/ID.

113. If you run a tab and don't settle up at the end of the night, there is a reason you had to give me your credit card. Don't get pissy when you come in to retrieve your Card and find that we have not only run the card through for you tab, but add or 20%. There are to many arseholes out there that make a habit of it and never, i repeat NEVER, leave a tip.

114. NEVER EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER come up to the bar right after you hear us call last call and ask us to close out your tab. When we call last call every swinging pecker in the bar is going to come running up and try to get a last drink in that five minute. We are not going to stop serving just to cash you out. If you waited till five minute to two to come up, you can now wait till after two. Suck it, your a d- and more then likely aren't going to tip so piss off.

115. If we say no it means no. If we say leave, it means leave.

116. (Referring #28) If it's your birthday and I've met you maybe once before, I might give you a free drink if I like you; but don't just come straight up to me without even a "Hello" and say "It's my birthday". Well done, would you like a gold medal?