Randomness of Life

As some of the readers might know, I have / had own company, founded in January 2013.
First two months I was doing some consulting work for one other company.
Besides that I was making photography & visual designing for commercials.
I made my "break through", at least I think so.

In Finland most of the people knows me as a darn good salesman, because I have been doing B2B sales for a long time in past.
In Austria almost everybody who I know calls me a "photographer" or artist.
In Finland I got my "title" of artist from musicians, possible clients of mine.
I feel sometimes so weird and dislocated because my sense of reality and limits of imagination keeps fighting against each other.
If I'm not imagining things, I have got many invitations to many different countries.

UK, USA(?), Germany, Austria, Italy and many others.

Also what makes this spring even more interesting & out of the ordinary is that first time in many years I actually remembered that the applying for schools starts in this time.
Randomness or purpose?
When I installed some software updates to my mac, something came from the internet.
Some new version of dictionary what is also at the same time like a history book, and many other things.

One finnish school (what is actually ex client of mine) send me an pre-test / task in order for apply to study with them.
I usually read Metro - magazine while I'm going to "work" (hanging out now?) and I also have been writing few columns to them, but they never got published.
Anyway, this one columnist / journalist wrote an column of a guy named "Ville" - might be random accident or could be purpose, but anyway.
He was writing about this guy what fitted to me like 80-90%.
He said that he has been wondering why this punk is still in free instead of jail or dead.
He got to conclusion that this guy had grown up and became a man.
Someways it was nice how he wrote about this character, but if it would be describing me, I would send the writer a email and smooth the un-truths away from his text.

Anyway, I can't stop wondering this episode in my life.
My artwork was little bit more complicated than just a painting in a wall, or other visible art.
My art had many layers and forms, also many different dimensions.
One of those what is not easy to understand is time.
I followed my instinct when I was doing something and the end results were good.
People liked my work and they got hungry for more.

I got sick, and I could not work anymore so much.
Feels really stupid, first struggle your way to the surface and then just crash and burn.
I guess it would not be too late, to save my company & my personal life.
But the truth is that I need help.

I would like to scream full force and yell "HEEELLLLPP MEEEE" - but I know / think it would not do any good.
People are willing to help, but just how and where and when is the most critical questions.
I think many people in Finland had tried to help me in many many many ways.
But the difficulty of helping / giving a hand to somebody is not so easy.

Some tried to offer opportunities by work for the company. I don't know what was wrong with me because right now I do not have anything to work on, oh yea. I can't work at the moment.

I wonder, if the writer of that Metro column was writing about me as in a journalist. Who I should try to offer my services to?

Everybody likes movies & tv-shows. One of my favorite tv-shows is House and Elementary.
Both of the series I found similarities from my own life, in a way or other.
Psychological symptoms & behavior models, intelligence of both main characters.
I also would like to consult / investigate different kind of crime scenes or help people with ADHD diagnostic and treatment planning.

Those two things seems to interest me besides writing (I should send my lyrics to somebody).

If there is anybody actually reading this, and would be in position to help me someway.
Please contact me directly via email.

ville.ruokolainen@gmail.com